Desperate is the one crying for help

(Written on Nov 19th 2008)

Do you ever feel like crying

Like this strange feeling of uncertainty

Makes you feel like dying

Desperate is the one calling for help

A heart that cannot help but

Feeling this way again

Such foolishness is a refrain

You have a family, a home, a life,

plenty to eat, and healthy

Money enough to make it

No reason to feel this way

But why, but why, tell me

I can not take this feeling away?

It’s not failure, nor reproach

Not depression, nor regret

It’s a spine crawling its way deep

Such a feeling that won’t let me sleep

I’m scared to loose

To make mistakes

I’m scared to look

And not find

I’m scared of being lost

Of feeling so miserably unwind

I just wish I could trust

I just wish I could know

And though I’ve been searching

Perhaps it’s not enough

This anxiety is killing me

It’s like having a bomb

Stuck inside of me

Its clock ticking a deadline

Ticking inside my mind

Day by day letting me know

Making it ever more conscious

That time is so precious

I hate having wasted it

I’m mad at myself for wishing

The day to be over so the next would come

For it to be better, I’d been hoping

But then I’m afraid pretending

Because I know and feel that

Time’s slipping away from my hands

I want to scream and stop it

At least take a grasp of it

For although it goes so slow

It’s running away so fast

I know I’ve never felt so much like this

I’ve been so lost now in the blink of time

Please help me go back, please help me find

Not just what I’m leaving behind

But myself , my soul, my mind

Uneasiness lives in my heart

As long as I search for

What I want in life.